he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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