so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Randomize
