when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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