he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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