i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
