Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize