this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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