You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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