my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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