Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
