I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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