my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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