So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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