Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
