sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
