this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
