I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
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He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
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Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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