i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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