thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
