I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
