his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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