seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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