I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
