Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
