when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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