I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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