i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
