Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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