hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
