Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
