what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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