i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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