Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
