How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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