Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
