watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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