Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
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i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
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in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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