After last night, I could never be a politician.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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