i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
