is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
