Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
