I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
