Don't make out with my wife yet
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
