just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
