I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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