I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
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Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
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Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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