Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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