maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
