Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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