He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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