I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
