also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
