Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
