she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
