if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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