Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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