The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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