I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
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Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
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Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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