its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Hippo gnu deer
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
