Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
