Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He passed out mid-signature
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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