There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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