Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
