I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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