I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
