dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Randomize
