I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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