Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize